My Dream Life

If I were to have my dream life, what would it be?  I spend a lot of time thinking about that, probably more than I should.  I should be happy with what I have, and if I'm not, change it!

So on to the dream life ...

We would live in Colorado, or somewhere close to the mountains where there are four seasons, not scorching hot summers, snow in the winter.  That type of climate has always appealed to me.  Thankfully, it appeals to my hubby as well, so we have a goal to move.  There are a few things that need to happen before we can do it.  One of those things is to get debt-free except for the house.  Getting much closer!  Both cars are paid off, we've paid off several credit cards.  (Unfortunately just had to charge on the business card, I needed a new computer.)  All we have left are two big cards, a loan to my parents, student loans, and the biggie, a consolidation loan from when we were dummies before.  Good news is that we have already paid off over $70,000.  Bad news is that we still have around $140,000 to go.  I need to update our spreadsheet, but we should be done in 4 years or less.  Time to apply ourselves again!

I wouldn't work as much ... but then again, if I were able to consolidate my clients, I could probably be done in about 3 days.  But, part of the dream is that our daughter isn't in day care year round.  She is in elementary school and has lots of activities after school ... swimming three days a week, dance one day a week, and thinking of adding in piano.  Thankfully she is REALLY smart!

My biggest dream, and truthfully, the one I have most control over, is that we would be an active family.  I would ride bikes to school with my daughter and pick her up the same way.  We would go on hikes, play games, take active walks (fast, not strolls) and generally not have a lot of electronics.

I say that this is what I have most control over, because it is my weight that is stopping this.  We could do all these things here in Texas.  Instead of hiking in the mountains, we could do Geocaching around town.  We could ride bikes on trails, and truthfully, we could be active outdoors probably 75% of the year.

Today, on my way to drop off my daughter at day care (she does have to go during the summer since I still work, just doesn't go during the school year) I saw a father and daughter jogging.  I would love for that to be me and my buglet!

So, for my first tiny goal, we will do an active activity for at least 30 minutes at least 4 times a week.  That might be a walk, it might be a bike ride.  It might even be Dance Party on the Wii.  But it will happen.

I will check back in soon!
J

Motivation

Motivation that lasts must come from within.  All through my head I have the word motivation, motivation, motivation, just repeating over and over.

I keep saying I am going to make a list, make a schedule and stick to it.  But I never do.  Now I will.  

I will make the list, I will make the schedule, and I will stick to it!  Nobody will love me like I love myself!

My husband and daughter come close ... but I should love myself more than anyone!  (But there are definitely times when I wish I could see myself through their eyes and see they woman they do ... )

Back on the wagon and moving forward today!

Rough Day

I was thinking that I would win this diet bet.  Not anymore.  I have a feeling that my period is about to start.  Had this HUGE craving for chocolate today, I indulged :( .  I gained close to 5 pounds in 2 days, without cause.  Water retention, yuck.

But most of all, I miss my hubby.  He left not even 12 hours ago, but all I want to do is cry.  Can't concentrate ... He will only be gone for 4 days, but after him being home for two weeks, this is difficult.  

Some women love that there husbands travel.  Not me.  I would like mine to be home.

I will try to get back into the groove and see if I can pull off some kind of miracle and lose 5 pounds in four days.

Frustration sets in

Don't remember if I told you about signing up for a DietBet.  I really like this as it holds me accountable.  I am weighing in everyday to see how what I eat affects my weight.  I have not been eating the way I should, but because the volume went down, I was still losing weight.

Not anymore.

In the last several days I have gained 4-5 pounds.  The volume has not increased, the fattening foods have not increased.  It must be the salt.  I now have 8 days to lose 7.2 pounds or I lose this DietBet.

I am cutting out the salt, and drinking MORE water.  I have been averaging 60 ounces per day.  I am going to hit the goal that Chris Powell puts out there of 1 ounce of water for every 2 pounds of weight you are carrying.  Today that puts me at 108.5 ounces of water.  Hope I don't float away!

Rather than beat myself up, I will congratulate myself on only one coke in the last three weeks.  How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time.  How do you complete a marathon?  One step at a time.

I will complete this marathon ... one step at a time.

The first step

Well, last night I got onto DietBet to see if Heidi & Chris Powell had any new games going, and they just finished one.  So I saw another and signed up.  At this point I am just going for some kind of accountability.

I don't have the courage to post my journey on FaceBook as some others have and get my accountability that way.  I love reading their stories and am incredibly amazed by their continuing courage (I know I've already used that word, but I can't think of any other way to put it ... It takes major cajones to do that.) and their ability to continue.

I am hoping that by creating this blog (once again, not looking for readers, just some place to document what I am doing) I will be able to keep track of what is working and what isn't.

Today is day 3 of no soda.  Also, I was able to not go by Whatabuger for my BOB (Breakfast on a Bun) and large coke.  That is a HUGE step for me.  But, (there is always a but) I did have some cookie dough in the freezer.  I was eating the heck out of that.  I chose to throw it away in the trash can so I couldn't finish it all.  

While I am trying to cut out my soda drinking, I am trying to increase my water intake.  Due to all the sugar in the soda, the water does not taste good to me.  I don't like that, because normally I love the taste of water.  I have been using the Mio water flavoring to help in the transition.  It seems to be going faster than it has in the past.  Today I have had two bottles (Reusable Contigo bottles that contain 24 oz) of plain water.  YAY me!

I will be trying to focus on the positive and not dwell on negative here ... wish me luck :)

My official weigh in was accepted by DietBet.  I officially weighed 218.5 this morning.  My ultimate goal is to be between 125 and 130.  I have chosen this instead of the  116 lb that all the charts say is ideal for me because to donate blood in Texas, you must weigh 124 lbs.  Don't think I am in any danger of breaking that barrier any time soon.

I will check in again soon!

Where to begin ...

Wow, that was not a fun start to my morning.  Got on the scale and saw 219.1.  I am only 5'4" tall.  That means I could lose 100 pounds and still not be underweight.

That is really eye-opening.  I know just by looking at myself that I am overweight and need to lose weight.  I get on the scale on a regular basis, that the number kept creeping up was not a surprise.  But then something happens and BAM!  It hits you right between the eyes, FAT, that is what I am.

It would probably make more sense to some people if I were to have some type of tragedy in my life that caused this, but there isn't.  I grew up with a regular family.  My parents love me.  Yes, my sisters and I fought (and still do ... hopefully we will grow out of that at some point) but who doesn't?

I will say that I have never had much self-esteem.  I have faked the self-esteem for years.  But it is always tied to something.  I have always felt fat, ugly or dull.  That is what has to change.  

I thought I was fat in the picture below ... I'm the one on the right in the yellow pants ... it was the 80's, please forgive the hair and the glasses :)  Looking back, the only fat that could probably be found would be on my earlobe.

I will say that at the time this picture was taken, my best friend was one of those girls who are naturally skin and bones.  Very petite, could probably wear kids clothes into college.  By comparison, I felt fat.  

Leap to now, I am fat.

Sorry for the sideways pictures.  I will fix for moving forward.  What you can't see under the shirt is the tummy.  I look pregnant.  Look at the jiggle on that arm.  Never noticed that before I took this picture.  What I did notice is that I am not fitting into any of my clothes anymore.  Not even the fat ones.

Something has got to change, and it has to start now.

First thing to go is my breakfast Whataburger habit.  When I go to work, I got into the habit of getting breakfast at Whataburger.  That starts off my day with a 700 calorie meal, not including the large coke that I get.  That is over half of my calories right there!  400 of those calories are from fat!  1320 grams of salt.  No wonder I have swollen fingers ... all that salt?

Yesterday was my first day coke free.  Skipping the breakfast, that wasn't hard because it wasn't part of yesterday's routine.  Skipping it today ... that will be difficult.  But I will do it.

Check in soon!